Monday, September 20, 2010

Things I've Noticed

I’ve been around for a while  There’s actually quite a few things I’ve noticed.  Bear with me here, please.

I’ve noticed that old men who do play by play for college football are sometimes bleeding idiots.  Not specifically, but generally.  But that’s just me.

I’ve noticed that NASCAR seems to have bent over backward to allow dirty play back into the mix as far as winning championships go.  I Also just noticed that my chances of getting hired by NASCAR are about zero.

I’ve noticed that Dale Earnhardt Jr. fans are not respected very much.  I think that’s a shame.  I’m a Dale Jr. fan, but I’m also a Smoke fan and a Happy fan.  I assume that I’m still disrespected, but I’ve only got one thing to say to you haters.  Hammer You.   Thank you.  I feel much better now.

I notice that most people in the reporting business don’t take NASCAR very seriously.  But, seriously, how can one run at 200 MPH and throw the races, like most of the geniuses seem to think they do.  Does NASCAR have a master OFF switch that just cuts off a car that’s getting too competitive?  Strangely enough, some people will believe that.  Maybe I have some ocean front property in Oklahoma to sell them too.  Call me.  We’ll do lunch and talk about it.  Just imagine it.  You could be the first on the beach in Elk City.  Wouldn’t that be a kick!

Is it possible for people from certain parts of the North East to pronounce the letter “H?”  There’s a very good guy on the radio down here who pronounces words such as “Huge” as “Uge.”  I know it’s a regional thing, but it still bothers me.  God put 26 letters in the alphabet, so let’s use them, please!  I don’t want Sesame Street to be telling me that “H” is feeling left out.  That would probably make me cry.  You don’t want to see me cry.  It would be ugly and humiliating.  Or maybe, Umilitating. 

Is it possible for a guy named Brent, who’s been on ESPN for way too long, to quit calling the color guy “Herbie?”  Even I, sitting here at home feel embarrassed for this guy.  If you listen to ESPN or even other guys on the radio or TV, you’ve probably heard of him.

I notice that “Herbie’s voice gets shrill when he’s passionate about something.  Like when Auburn makes a mistake.  As I write this, I’m watching Auburn play Clemson.  So far, the score is 17-3, in favor of the Clemson Tigers.  So far, some Tigers are more equal to others.

I’ve noticed that most of the Kyle Busch Fans hate Dale Earnhardt Jr..  Huh.  I’m a genius, aren’t I?  Probably the reverse is true as well, but I’ve not met many true Kyle Busch fans.  I’m not saying that there aren’t any, I just haven’t met many.

On that note, I’ve also noticed that lately, the media types have been referring to Kyle Busch as the bad boy of NASCAR, but it seems to me that Carl Edwards has been involved in far more incidents lately.  Mostly with Brad Keselowski, which are the most popular incidents, but also with Denny  Hamlin as well, which happened most recently in Sunday’s New Hampshire race.  Speaking of New Hampshire, I can remember lying on the couch with my soon to be step daughter, who was about five years old at the time, watching a New Hampshire race.  She kept saying “New Hamster“,  I thought it was pretty cute, so I didn’t correct her.  Later, I found out that she had been quizzed at school, writing the names of the states down in their proper places.  I saw the big red X beside the word scrawled just above Massachusetts.  It said “New Hamster.”  Had I not had so much confidence in myself, I might have felt a little embarrassed.  I thought it was actually pretty funny, until I made the mistake of relating the story of  “New Hamster” to her mother, who was by then my wife.  For some reason, she didn’t think that was so funny.  I was then properly embarrassed.  Actually, it would be pretty cool to have a state named for some little furry animal, I think.  Maybe “New Poodle?” 

I’ve noticed that Dale Earnhardt Jr. had a fourth place finish in Sunday’s New Hamster, I mean Hampshire race.  I hope he can keep up that kind of performance for the next nine races.  It’s way better than 30 something, 3 or 5 laps down.  I’ve got some more things to say about Dale Earnhardt Jr., but I’ll wait until a future column to say them.

I’ve noticed that the South Carolina Highway Patrol has some officers assigned to this general area who seem to have way too much time on their hands.  I was recently in a convenience store on state Highway 81, which is a fairly major road leading from Anderson, South Carolina, to Greenville, South Carolina.  I was working on a computer problem for the owners of the store, and when I walked in at 10:00 AM, there was a trooper sitting at one of the tables eating donuts and drinking coffee while he read the newspaper.  I left the store at 1:30, and the trooper hadn’t moved, except to buy more donuts and coffee.  I work for myself, but even by my standards, that was a long coffee break, or lunch break or whatever it was.  I’ve also noticed that there are often as many as four or even five State Troopers on a certain stretch of Highway 81, often all within a 5 mile stretch.  I know, because I’ve asked, that there are no such things such as ticket quotas for these officers, but I was once told there are such things as “performance standards.”  Why one certain stretch of a state highway holds so much interest for these officers is rather mystifying to me, except for the fact that the speed limit changes quite a bit over this particular part of the highway.  I suppose it’s better to catch mom and pop in the family Buick doing 7 mph over the speed limit, than to catch possible drug smugglers out on Interstate 85, which is very nearby, and possibly take a bullet in the chest or head.  I’m not brave enough to do what they do, so I suppose catching speeders on Highway 81 makes sense when you think about it that way.   Whatever it is, it’s our tax dollars at work.  If you think I live in Hazard County, from the old Dukes Of Hazard show, you’d be just about right, I suppose.

I notice that even though it’s more than half way through September, it’s still hot here in the South.  I’ve lived here for 47 years, so you would assume that I’m used to it.  I don’t think I am.  Right now, I’d rather be in Minnesota, preferably in the northern part, on a lake, fishing for northern, or muskies or something.  It would probably be cool during the day, and pretty darned cold at night.  I would consider that good weather to sleep in.  Eventually, we’ll have our winter here even in the South, and we’ll probably have our ice storms, and occasional snow storms even.  Then I’ll be complaining about the cold.  I’ve noticed that I’ve done that before.

I’ll probably do it again too.